Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
