How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
