I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
