Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
