I wish i was in the wii world.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
