highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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