just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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