Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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