Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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