The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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