we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
