i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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