Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
