Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
