well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
