I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
