I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
