OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
