hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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