It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
