I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
