why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
