Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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