well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
