dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
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my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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