We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Randomize
