I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
They have beer where we have blood.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
