sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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