So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
