No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Randomize
