if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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