I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
me + whiskey = a bad person
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
