don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
