You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
