dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
