for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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