Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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