Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize