You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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