Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
