an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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