i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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