She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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