somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
