Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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