when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I am one with the molecules
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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