i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You can't just leave with hair like that
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Randomize
