Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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