there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
