Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
