If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
