I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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