I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
