Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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