sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
There r osticjed everywhere
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
