I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
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Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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