So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
