Sponge bath it is.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
