Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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