Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Randomize
