i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
