Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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