im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I need to sanitize my soul.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
