I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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