Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
