he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
