we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
