Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
