dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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