Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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