i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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