Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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