that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
