There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
