Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
