i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
