I'm going to rape someone's good day.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
