This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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