Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
