maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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