Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
