My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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