No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize